In El Paso, Texas, psychologist Dr. Merranda Marin spoke with KVIA about how Mother’s Day can stir up grief and loneliness for many people, not just the mothers we think of. Her observations cover loss, miscarriage, infertility, and practical ways people can honor and carry those relationships forward without pretending the pain is simple or fixable.
Mother’s Day is marketed as a big celebration, but for some it acts like a spotlight on absence and sorrow. Dr. Merranda Marin says reminders of loss pop up everywhere that day, turning what should be a warm holiday into a painful one for anyone who’s grieving.
Those reminders can hit people in very different ways, whether they are mourning a mother or a child who has died or wrestling with infertility while surrounded by family celebrations. Dr. Marin says this time of year can remind people of the child or mother that has passed away, even saying these feelings can come from people experiencing infertility which make these feelings worse when surrounded by celebrations.
Figuring out how to get through that day often means asking for help and tapping resources instead of bottling things up. Dr. Marin advises that people feeling like this should deal with their grief by asking for help and using any resources at their disposal to begin processing those feelings of grief, something she says is more complex than just ‘being sad’.
“It’s important to recognize and honor whatever it is that you’re feeling,” Marin said. “Also, recognizing that grief is so complex that you can hold two seemingly contradictory emotions at the same time.” That tension—feeling sorrow and warmth at once—can be confusing but it’s also normal.
Grief isn’t a single note; it’s more like a playlist with mood swings and surprises, and people can flip between tears and fond laughter in the same conversation. Dr. Marin talked about the duality of grief, when someone can feel sad losing someone but get a happy feeling when talking about them.
“I think sometimes we think in our head it’s about letting go and saying goodbye,” Dr. Marin said. “But it’s really more about how do I carry the relationship forward in a new way.” That shift in perspective doesn’t erase the loss, it changes what the relationship looks like from here on out.
Pregnancy loss, especially miscarriage, carries its own kind of quiet burden because it’s rarely talked about or ritualized. “If I’ve experienced a form of pregnancy loss, then it depends on what point in the pregnancy the child was lost,” Dr. Marin said. “We may never even talk about it. We don’t hold, funerals, usually for miscarriages. So it can really be something people carry that they don’t ever really show because others may not know how to have the conversations to talk to them but feelings really get intensified on days like Mother’s Day”
Simple rituals can help give that unspoken loss some shape—a letter to an unborn child, a small ceremony, or a deliberate moment of remembrance. To celebrate a life lost before beginning, Dr. Marin suggests something like writing a letter to the unborn child.
For those remembering a loved one who died, small acts like cooking a favorite meal, pulling out old photos, or sharing stories can shift the holiday from a display of absence to a quiet celebration of influence and memory. When it comes to remembering and celebrating a family member that’s passed, she suggests looking at old photos or even cooking their favorite dish in addition to telling stories about them.
Above all, Dr. Marin urges people to stop treating grief like a problem to be fixed and start treating it like an experience to be witnessed. “Sometimes the most meaningful thing that we can do is acknowledge the grief and just let the person know that you’re there for them and that you’re there to support them,” Dr. Marin said. “Even if that means just sitting quietly with them, that can be really important too.”
