When a child begins at a new school, the first day often brings nervous questions about familiar faces, lunch companions, and recess playmates. Five‑year‑old Iman Fair‑Seldon, who will start first grade at a school in southern New Jersey, described her nerves but also her excitement to make new friends.
Parental influence matters
Licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Asha Barber Sutton, associate dean of academic affairs at National University in San Diego, emphasized that parents have a “huge impact” on the friendships their children form. Caregivers shape children’s social experiences through the activities they arrange and the values they model.
Creating opportunities for connection
Experts recommend parents seek out community settings where children can interact naturally—parks, playgrounds, birthday parties, and other gatherings. Amira Fair, Iman’s mother, said she makes a point to exchange phone numbers with other parents and schedule monthly playdates, even attending every birthday function at her daughter’s former school to meet families.
Teaching children what makes a good friend
Rather than trying to manage every friendship, parents can help children develop criteria for healthy relationships. Sutton suggests asking questions such as, “Are they kind? Are they honest? Can you be yourself around them?” These conversations give children a framework for evaluating friendships and handling conflict.
Encouraging shared interests
Teenagers can benefit from exploring extracurricular activities that align with their hobbies. Jamir Gonzalez, a senior who transferred to Uncommon Camden Prep High School in New Jersey, joined the basketball and debate teams to meet peers with similar interests. Similarly, 16‑year‑old Shia Watts found lasting friendships after joining a theater production at Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks, California.
Starting conversations
Simple social skills—smiling, offering compliments, and asking open‑ended questions—can break the ice. Iman recalled how a compliment about a classmate’s shirt led to a new best friend.
Managing technology use
Experts note that phones, headphones, and screens can hinder face‑to‑face interaction. Parents are encouraged to set reasonable expectations around device use, especially during school hours, while avoiding overly harsh restrictions that might isolate teens socially. Open dialogue about online safety and who children are communicating with is also recommended.
Using technology to stay connected
When families move, video‑calling platforms such as FaceTime can help maintain friendships across distance, reducing the sense of loss that often accompanies relocation.
Impact on well‑being
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention links a sense of belonging at school to lower rates of mental‑health challenges, substance use, and violence, as well as higher grades and attendance. Nicole Hockley, co‑founder and CEO of Sandy Hook Promise, stresses that even a single strong friendship or trusted adult can significantly improve a student’s trajectory.
Practical steps for parents
- Arrange regular playdates or group activities with classmates.
- Discuss the qualities of a good friend and model those traits at home.
- Encourage participation in clubs, sports, or arts that match the child’s interests.
- Set clear, balanced guidelines for device use during school‑related times.
- Use video calls to keep long‑distance friendships alive.
By taking these proactive steps, parents can help their children navigate the social challenges of a new school, fostering confidence, belonging, and long‑term success.
Original reporting: NBC6 Miami — read the source article.
