During a special segment on 93.1 WIBC on Sunday, Oct. 25, psychotherapist and author Lesley Koeppel marked National Mother‑in‑Law Day by offering guidance for families navigating the often‑complex mother‑in‑law relationship.
Understanding the role
Koeppel explained that the holiday dates back to the 1930s, reportedly created by a newspaper publisher who may have had a personal grievance with his own mother‑in‑law. She noted that many of the jokes about mothers‑in‑law have a grain of truth, but they also reflect real challenges.
Key advice for mothers‑in‑law
The therapist stressed that the transition begins before a son even marries. “The biggest hurdle for a mom is accepting that you’re no longer number one,” she said, acknowledging the grief that can accompany this shift. While happiness is possible, there is also sadness about a former family dynamic.
Koeppel urged mothers‑in‑law to respect the new relationship and to avoid blurring boundaries. She recommended asking the son and daughter‑in‑law directly what they need rather than assuming.
Handling disagreements
When conflicts arise, Koeppel advised against pulling the son into the argument. Instead, she suggested the mother‑in‑law sit down with the daughter‑in‑law, apologize if necessary, and discuss how to improve the situation.
She warned against “triangulation”—bringing a third person into a dispute. “Think of a triangle. You don’t need that third point,” Koeppel said. “Just be direct.”
Humor and perspective
When asked whether mothers of sons find it harder to let go than mothers of daughters, Koeppel laughed and replied, “Is there a million percent I can give you?” The lighthearted response underscored her belief that humor can ease tension.
Koeppel’s book, How to Be the “Perfect” Mother‑in‑Law: A Lighthearted Guide for Moms of Married Sons, is available on Amazon. She also writes on Substack and answers questions on Instagram at @ask.lesley.
Original reporting: 93.1 WIBC (Indianapolis) — read the source article.
