By OBBM Network Editorial Staff

Derived from an episode of Veronica LIVE.

What if the secret to surviving holiday gatherings isn’t a new recipe, but a deeper willingness to listen?

Creating Space for Honest Conversation

Pastor Dan Seaborn recounts a personal breakthrough he had with his own father. After a two‑hour conversation where he focused solely on listening, Seaborn realized families need a structured way to hear each other’s perspectives. He suggested sending a questionnaire to both parents and adult children, asking questions such as, “What do you wish your parents knew about you from a kid perspective?” and “What do you wish your children understood about you?” The responses, he says, “really blew our minds” and are even included in his book.

These prompts create a non‑confrontational platform where family members can share feelings without fear of argument. By treating the exchange like an interview—no interruptions, no immediate rebuttals—parents and children can uncover hidden concerns and lay a solid foundation for future discussions.

Listening Over Reacting: A Practical Discipline

Seabrown admits he once reacted instinctively, especially given his background as a retired Air Force officer where rapid response is drilled. He now purposefully slows his speech, aiming for “half tone” and a slower cadence when tension rises. “Speak even softer, speak even slower,” he advises, noting that the pause gives him time to process and respond thoughtfully.

This approach mirrors biblical counsel to “be slow to speak and quick to listen.” By adopting a listening‑first mindset, Seaborn says families can experience “massive difference” in how conflicts are resolved, turning potential arguments into opportunities for mutual growth.

Maintaining the Thread of Connection

Even when relationships become strained, Seaborn emphasizes the importance of keeping an open line of communication. He shares a moving text from his daughter who, after a period of silence, wrote, “Mom, I actually am missing you, and I think I’m going to come and get that hug.” The simple act of keeping the “olive branch” visible—offering a hug, a check‑in, or a reminder that the bond remains—can eventually lead to reconciliation.

He likens this to a Christian’s relationship with Christ: “People may hate Jesus, but they never completely cut the thread.” By refusing to sever ties, families allow space for future healing, even if the present moment feels painful.

Understanding Developmental Differences

Seaborn points to neuroscience research indicating that the frontal lobe—responsible for mature decision‑making—does not fully develop until the early thirties. This explains why conversations with 20‑something adults can feel “broken” or immature. Recognizing this biological reality helps parents temper expectations and approach dialogue with patience.

He also warns against imposing personal desires on adult children. “If you want a long‑term relationship with your child, you have to lay down some of your personal wants,” he says, urging parents to play the long game rather than seeking immediate compliance.

Faith as the Anchor in Uncertain Times

Throughout the conversation, Seaborn weaves his Christian faith into practical advice. He recounts a moment with his 13‑year‑old grandson, noting the boy’s surprisingly mature insights, and reflects that “God can write straight using crooked lines.” For Seaborn, trusting God’s hand in family dynamics provides comfort amid chaos.

He also shares a poignant lesson from a counselor named Jim Beck, who, while battling cancer, reminded him that “if nothing changes, nothing changes.” This reminder underscores the necessity of active effort in repairing strained relationships.

In sum, the discussion offers a roadmap for families seeking peace during the holidays: ask thoughtful questions, listen intentionally, keep communication threads alive, respect developmental stages, and lean on faith for perseverance.

By integrating these practices, families can transform holiday tension into a season of connection, growth, and renewed love.

The full episode of Veronica LIVE is available on OBBM Network TV.