I’m unpacking a family emergency: a 14-year-old freshman being pressured to drink at home, the parents’ fears, and what practical steps a worried husband, wife, son and stepdad can take to protect the girl and address the situation legally and emotionally. This piece names the people involved—husband, wife, granddaughter, son (the girl’s biological father) and stepdad—and lays out options that protect the teen while balancing family dynamics and responsibility.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have recently found out that our 14-year-old granddaughter, a freshman in high school, is being encouraged to drink, or more accurately, “chug,” beer out of cans with her stepdad at parties and social gatherings he has been having at their house. Our son, the girl’s biological father, is very concerned about this illegal activity, as are we, but he is fearful if he confronts… This family is staring at two urgent problems at once: underage drinking happening under the roof where adults are present, and a father who’s paralyzed by worry and fear about causing a bigger family blowup.

This kind of scenario needs practical boundaries and immediate safety checks. First priority is the girl’s safety: make sure she isn’t left unsupervised at those gatherings and that adults around her are not normalizing alcohol use. If the husband and wife feel able, they should create a safe, private space for the granddaughter and offer alternatives to leaving her exposed to more drinking.

Next, document what’s happening—dates, times, who was there, and what was said or done. That record is not about scoring points; it’s about protecting a child and giving concrete information to authorities or counselors if the situation escalates. The son, as the biological father, can start there: gather facts, remain calm, and avoid public accusations until he knows exactly what he’s dealing with.

There are clear legal duties when a minor’s wellbeing is at stake. Encouraging underage drinking, or allowing it to happen in your home, can bring consequences that go beyond family drama. If the son feels the stepdad’s actions put the girl at risk, contacting local child protective services or law enforcement for guidance is a legitimate route; these agencies can assess immediate danger and suggest the right next steps.

At the same time, consider solutions that keep the family intact where possible: set nonnegotiable household rules about alcohol and guests and insist on adult-only parties taking place elsewhere. The son should make a direct, firm plan for supervision and consequences if the stepdad refuses to change his conduct. If confrontation feels unsafe, use a mediator—a family friend, clergy, or a counselor—to deliver the message and keep tempers down.

Talk to the granddaughter with care and clarity. Kids this age are testing limits and often respond to honest conversations more than lectures. Ask her what’s happening, what makes her feel pressured, and explain the real risks of drinking at 14, including physical harms, legal trouble, and the long-term effects on trust and relationships.

Professional help will be useful: a family therapist can handle the emotions and boundaries, while a counselor for the teen can address peer pressure and decision-making. If the girl has already been drinking regularly, a medical checkup and a conversation with a pediatrician are smart moves. These professionals can also document concerns and offer referrals if substance use is more than an isolated incident.

Finally, put safety mechanisms in place and follow through. If the home continues to be a place where underage drinking is tolerated, the son has to decide whether temporary removal of the child or legal action is necessary. Protecting a minor outweighs the impulse to avoid conflict; it is both responsible and moral to take decisive steps when a child’s wellbeing is at stake.